Let the Walls Burn Down
by singyourheartout287
Summary: Fill for Blangst Prompt of the Day #814. After the break-up, Kurt starts dating Adam, but when he comes back to Lima, he starts a friends-with-benefits relationship with Blaine. It takes its toll on both of them, hurting Blaine and confusing Kurt until Burt intervenes and forces Kurt to choose Adam or Blaine. TW: Self-harm/vaguely suicidal thoughts. One-shot.


"I'm coming tomorrow so I better be _coming _tomorrow," Kurt said the second Blaine answered the phone.

Blaine pulled the phone away to scrunch his face at it, even though Kurt couldn't see, then put it back to his ear. "Hello to you too."

"Yes, hello, how are you? I'm good. Let's fool around tomorrow." Blaine could practically hear Kurt's eye-roll through the phone.

"What are you coming home for?"

"Another of my dad's doctor appointments. I know I'm coming home a lot but I'm using Dad's frequent flyer miles from all the Congress trips to DC and he has cancer and I'm worried. So I'm coming home. Deal with it."

"I wasn't trying to imply you shouldn't come home. I like your visits. You know that."

"I certainly do," Kurt teased.

Blaine smirked to himself and laid back in bed. Ever since they'd reconciled over Thanksgiving and Christmas breaks, they started spending time together on Kurt's visits to see his dad. After the first visit when Kurt was leaving, he'd given Blaine a kiss on his way out. It was out of habit, and they both blushed and fumbled through apologies, but then Kurt stared at him for a second before kissing him again. The next time Kurt visited, he greeted Blaine by pinning him against the door and making out with him. The third time Kurt visited was when they had sex again for the first time since the break up.

"This is okay right?" Kurt had asked, his hips slowing as they thrust into him.

Blaine had nodded and dug his ankles into Kurt's lower back, driving him deeper inside. "Yeah. This is great."

"Okay," Kurt had said before he leaned down and kissed him.

And at the time, Blaine thought, _This is it. This is my chance to get back with Kurt. I can have sex with him, we'll slip back into our old routines and our old habits, and he'll realize that I really do love him and I'm sorry for what I did and we belong together. _

Then Kurt told Blaine about Adam, the guy Kurt was seeing in New York, over Valentine's Day with Mr. Schue's wedding and that just complicated things. Blaine was under the impression that they had a good thing going. That maybe they weren't back together just yet, but they would be soon. But after Kurt mentioned Adam, Blaine knew that that wasn't the case at all. Instead, he was just a fuck buddy. Someone for Kurt to get off with before going back to the guy he was seeing.

And that hurt. Blaine couldn't even try to pretend that it didn't. But he knew that if he wanted to get Kurt back, he'd have to keep trying, and to Blaine, that meant sleeping with him. It wasn't exactly a hardship. Blaine never felt closer to anyone than he did when he and Kurt were having sex. And even though Kurt insisted that it didn't mean anything, that it was just physical, Blaine knew better. Because he could see it in Kurt's eyes when they were naked in bed together that this was something more.

"So what are you wearing?" Kurt asked over the phone.

Blaine laughed and ran a hand down his chest, fiddling with the drawstrings at his waistband. "Sweatpants."

"And?"

"There's no 'and.'"

"Not even underwear?"

"Nope."

"God, you do love to go commando, don't you?"

Blaine shrugged even though Kurt couldn't see him. "What can I say? I like the idea of easy access."

Kurt laughed. "Oh yeah? For who?"

"Well, you, tomorrow."

"You're not gonna wear underwear tomorrow?"

"Why would I? You're just going to rip them off, so there's not really any point."

"True... What are you doing right now?"

"Oh...you know...the usual," Blaine said, pushing his pants down to mid-thigh and stroking himself.

"The usual being...?"

Blaine ignored Kurt's question. "What are you doing?"

"Hmm," Kurt hummed. "Trying to pick between two shirts for my date with Adam. He should be here any minute."

Blaine bit back the urge to groan and let his hand fall off his cock onto the bed beside him. "Right. I should let you go then."

"Awww, really? I thought we were going to have some phone fun," Kurt whined.

"Kurt, if Adam's going to be there any minute, we don't really have any time for that. I'll see you tomorrow."

Blaine didn't give Kurt a chance to answer before he hung up, dropping his phone to the floor and covering his eyes. It was frustrating to have Kurt dating some other guy, but Blaine knew that it was only fair. They weren't together anymore because of Blaine sleeping with someone else; certainly, Kurt could date whoever he wanted. And Kurt said that Adam knew about his arrangement with Blaine and was fine with it, so there wasn't really anything left to discuss.

Blaine fucked up and it was a miracle Kurt was giving him the time of day at all, even if the time of day was usually only an hour whenever it was convenient for Kurt. Sometimes, especially lately, Kurt wouldn't even tell Blaine he was coming until the day before or even the day of, and Blaine would have to cancel all his plans to be free for Kurt. Well, okay, that wasn't exactly fair. Blaine didn't _have _to. Kurt never told him to; heck, Kurt didn't even know Blaine was doing it. Kurt usually asked him if he was busy or if he had any other plans, and Blaine always just said it didn't matter. So he couldn't really blame that on Kurt.

He was so frustrated with the situation that he wanted to just roll over and watch _RENT_, but he'd gone and made himself hard hoping for something with Kurt so now before he did anything he'd either have to think of his dead grandmother lying in her casket naked or just jack off.

Well, he figured he was already hard, so he might as well get an orgasm out of it. He sat back against his pillows and closed his eyes, pushing his pants down past his knees to his ankles and letting his legs fall open. He took his cock in his hand and started stroking it again, harder and surer. He tried to imagine it was Kurt's hand. That Kurt was kneeling above him, leaning their foreheads together and whispering, _Let go, baby. Just let go. I've got you. Come on. You look so beautiful like this._

Kurt had said those things so many times in bed, it was easy to imagine. Blaine remembered the last time Kurt was here, when Blaine was on his back and his legs were bent over Kurt's shoulders, and Kurt had been leaning over him, thrusting into him, staring at his eyes. They maintained eye contact the whole time, even as Blaine was coming. He'd started to close his eyes but then Kurt had patted his cheek and murmured, "No, come on. Open your eyes." So Blaine did, and when Kurt came only moments later, he was staring at Blaine with a look of desperation and adoration.

That's why Blaine kept doing this. That's why, even though sometimes it felt like he was being used, he kept on. Because he had moments like that, where Kurt let down all his walls and his guards, and it was just like it was before. Blaine knew that no matter how long it took, Kurt would come back to him. Kurt was just scared, and he had every right to be, but he'd come back. He already had, in a way.

Blaine gasped as came, spilling over his fist and his chest. His hips stuttered in the air before dropping back down on the bed. He laid there for a minute in the quiet to catch his breath. He heard his phone vibrating on the floor and sighed when he glanced over the edge of the bed and saw Kurt had texted him.

He cleaned himself up with tissues from his bedside table and rolled over, ignoring his phone, to turn on _RENT._

... ... ...

When Kurt showed up at Blaine's door the next morning, he wasted no time.

"Missed you," Kurt said against Blaine's mouth, diving his tongue in. "Mmph, you're so hot."

Blaine laughed and pulled away. "Um, Kurt, you just got here. Don't you have a doctor's appointment with your dad?"

"Already went. Cancer sucks. The end. Let's fuck."

"Wait, wait, Kurt." Blaine pushed him back and frowned. "What's happening with your dad? Is the chemo not working or something?"

"Yeah, kind of. They say it's working as it should be, but it feels slow to me. The tumor hasn't shrunk that much and... Look, I don't want to talk about it, okay? Let's just go to your room."

"Kurt..."

"I said I don't want to talk about it," Kurt snapped.

And Blaine could see all the walls go back up. Kurt was ready to leave if Blaine didn't drop the subject, and he'd just gotten there, and Blaine _missed _him, so he let it go. "Fine. Sorry. Let's go upstairs."

"No more talking," Kurt said, grabbing Blaine's hand and tugging. "Okay? I don't want to talk. I just want to fuck."

"Could you please not say it like that?"

"Like what?"

Blaine rolled his eyes as he followed Kurt up the stairs. "You know what I'm talking about. Don't make me say it."

"What's wrong with 'fuck'?"

"It just makes it sound...dirty."

"Dirty can be fun," Kurt said, smirking. Once they got to Blaine's room, Kurt shut the door behind them, locked it, and led Blaine over to the bed. "Remember the time with the chocolate sauce?"

"And the whipped cream? How could I forget? We were sticky _everywhere._"

"Yeah, and then we got to shower together. You can't say that wasn't fun."

"You have a point."

"I always do."

"What happened to no more talking?"

Kurt pushed Blaine back on the bed and crawled over him, straddling his hips. The smile left his face as he looked down at Blaine, a soft seriousness falling over his features. He bent over and traced Blaine's cheekbones, his eyebrows, his nose, his lips. Then he kissed him, soft and slow at first before he opened his mouth and deepened it. "You're absolutely right," Kurt said against Blaine's mouth. "No more talking."

Kurt sat up and pulled his sweater off, then his undershirt, before urging Blaine up and unbuttoning Blaine's shirt, slipping it off his shoulders and tossing it across the room. He made quick work of undoing Blaine's belt and pants, shoving his hand in and grabbing Blaine's cock.

"Wow. You weren't lying. You really didn't wear underwear today."

"I told you."

"Shhhh."

Kurt let go of Blaine's dick and scooted backward on the bed far enough to pull Blaine's pants off, then stood up and slipped out of his own.

"You're not wearing underwear either," Blaine pointed out.

Kurt shrugged. "Like you said. No point."

He came back onto the bed and knelt on Blaine's chest, roaming his hands across the broad expanse of skin. Blaine shivered. "That tickles."

"Since when are you ticklish?"

"Since now, I guess."

"Huh. Weird."

Blaine snorted. "Come on. As if that's the weirdest thing that's ever happened with us in bed. Remember the whoopee cushion?"

"Oh, god, how could I forget?" Kurt asked, laughing. "I'm still planning a good prank to get Santana back for that."

"Take out the batteries from her vibrator?"

Kurt rolled his eyes. "Blaine. You can do better than that."

"With your dick mere inches from my face, it's the best I can do. Forgive me for having other priorities right now."

Kurt smirked and re-situated so he was lying on top of Blaine. Their cocks lined up and Blaine moaned, throwing his head back and closing his eyes. He felt Kurt's hands inching up his sides, going to his shoulders and then cradling his neck. Kurt started mouthing there, just above the collar bone and then working his way up as he thrust his hips against Blaine's slowly. His fingers slipped through Blaine's gel and into his hair.

"You are so wonderful, Blaine," Kurt murmured against Blaine's skin. Blaine felt goosebumps raising on his arms and along the back of his neck at the gentle praise. "So, so wonderful. Only for me, right? Only ever for me?"

"Y-Yes. Only for you. Kurt, I'm so sorry about-"

"Shhhh. Don't talk. We don't have to talk about that."

Blaine opened his eyes, lifting his head up. "But Kurt-"

"No. I don't want to talk about it."

Kurt held Blaine's head securely and pressed their lips together, distracting Blaine in a kiss as his hips sped up.

"Kurt, I'm close," Blaine whimpered, hands grasping at Kurt's waist.

"Let go, baby. It's okay. You can let go."

Blaine's fingernails dug into Kurt's sides as he came, leaning his forehead against Kurt's and tilting his head to catch Kurt's mouth in a desperate kiss. Kurt came only a minute later, moaning into Blaine's mouth and tugging on Blaine's hair. He stayed laying on top of Blaine for a moment before rolling over on his back. Blaine shut his eyes and felt the bed shift.

"And you still keep tissues here. You're so reliable."

Blaine shrugged. "I have allergies."

"Yeah, right."

"I do!"

"Mmhmm. More like you jerk off a lot."

"You know, I remember when you couldn't even _say _'jerk off,' let alone think about me or anyone else doing it."

"Clearly, things have changed," Kurt said.

Blaine opened his eyes to see Kurt gesturing to the come on his chest. He laughed. "Yeah. I guess you're right."

Kurt finished wiping himself off before crawling across the bed and cleaning Blaine off too. Then he got up and threw the tissues away.

"You can come lay with me for a while," Blaine said. "My parents won't be home until late. We can cuddle naked."

"Oh, maybe tomorrow before I leave. I was supposed to call Adam after my dad's appointment," Kurt said, slipping his pants back on.

Blaine frowned and sat up. "You're going to tell Adam about your dad's appointment but not me?"

Kurt avoided Blaine's eyes and continued putting on his clothes. "It's not a big deal. We already went over it. His tumor is shrinking but it's going really slowly and I don't trust the doctors when they say the chemo is working. So I'm terrified. Whatever."

"Kurt..."

"I said I don't want to talk about it."

"That doesn't mean you shouldn't. It's okay to be scared. You can be scared with me."

Kurt hesitated where he stood by the door. He opened the door and headed out, saying over his shoulder, "I have to call Adam. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Kurt-"

It was too late. Kurt was already down the stairs and out the front door.

Blaine bit back tears and laid on the bed.

Alone.

Again.

He grabbed for the remote on his bedside table and turned on the TV but didn't bother flipping through channels for something to watch. He just needed the background noise. The distraction. Even though in the moment it felt great to be with Kurt, he always felt awful afterward.

Blaine knew he should stop. He knew that it was hurting him more than helping. Sure, it was bringing him and Kurt closer together, but as an individual Blaine felt totally cut off. He didn't feel like himself anymore. He didn't even feel real. There were times when he wasn't sure if this was his life now, or just one prolonged nightmare. The cheating, the break up, the casual sex. It all just felt...wrong. And Blaine couldn't reconcile it with the reality he'd come to know.

He just wished he had someone to talk to about all this. He had Sam, and they talked about it sometimes, but Blaine could never get the courage to say how he really felt. All he said was that he and Kurt were sleeping together sometimes and he didn't know how he felt about it. And Sam-poor, dense Sam-just tried to coach Blaine through it and didn't really ask for details. He was more of a source of encouragement than wisdom, which was appreciated but not exactly what Blaine needed.

What he needed was someone to speak openly with. To express his deepest fears, his scariest thoughts, his repressed feelings. The only one he'd ever felt comfortable enough to do that with was Kurt, but Kurt was in the center of it all and it didn't feel right. Not yet. Not when they were still just...friends with benefits.

The phrase, even just in his thoughts, made Blaine sick to his stomach.

He rolled over on his side and glared at the picture of him and Kurt on his table. It was from the night he told Kurt about Eli and ruined everything. He didn't know why he kept it there. Maybe because it was the last picture he had of them before everything broke. Maybe because it was a symbol of hope somehow. Something that motivated Blaine to keep trying, to get that back, to make that not the last picture of them but one of many.

Deciding to try and relax a little, Blaine sat up and reached for his lighter. He caught a flame and lit the wicks of a few candles. Sandalwood. Kurt always said it was such a 'sophisticated' scent. Blaine had no idea what that meant, but Kurt had said it when they were still new friends and the praise was satisfying.

He stood up and slipped on a pair of sweatpants, then paced around the room trying to figure something out to get his mind off of things. He noticed Kurt's wallet on the floor and made a mental note to call Kurt later and let him know. After a few minutes Blaine ended up sitting back on his bed, running his hands through his hair and staring at the fire flickering on his candles. As a kid, he used to run his finger through the flame all the time. When his mom noticed, she yelled at him and told him never to do that again because he could hurt himself.

It didn't hurt, though. The beating at Sadie Hawkins hurt. Finn's initial rejection of him at McKinley hurt. Breaking up with Kurt hurt. And now, what they were doing with the casual sex hurt. But the flame? That never hurt.

Blaine wondered how long he'd have to leave his finger in the fire for it to hurt. He sat criss-cross on his bed and grabbed one of the candles, housed in a glass jar to prevent wax dripping everywhere. He held it with his left hand and folded his right so that only his index finger stuck out. He ran the finger through the flame, quickly at first, then again at a slower pace. He could feel the warmth of the flame, but there was no pain.

Yet.

Each time Blaine ran his finger through, he did it more and more slowly until his finger was a burning, bright red and he felt a prickly pain in his skin. He held his finger up close to his face and stared at it. The rest of his hand seemed pale compared to the glowing red of the tip of his finger. He stared in wonder at it before holding his right hand out and placing his palm above the candle. He held it hovering just above the lip of the jar, close enough to feel the intense heat from the fire but not close enough to burn him. He lowered his hand until it was covering the opening.

_There _the pain was. Right there. He groaned and whined as the flame burned his palm before snuffing out from lack of oxygen. When he pulled his hand away, his palm was an even brighter red than the tip of his finger. He set the candle down on his table and went into the bathroom, knowing by the looks of the burn that he'd have to tend to it. It was a second degree burn, without a doubt.

Blaine felt numb as he gently rubbed Neosporin on his hand before wrapping it in gauze. He went back into his room and laid down on the bed, wishing someone would come along and put their hand over the opening of his life. Take away his oxygen.

Snuff him out.

... ... ...

Kurt sat in his car in front of Blaine's house, forehead resting on the steering wheel.

He felt guilty for what he was doing with Blaine. It wasn't fair, and he knew it, but he couldn't help it. It felt so good to be with Blaine in that way. It was nice to feel close to him again. Even if Kurt wasn't quite there yet, to the place where he'd be willing to try again with Blaine, he was working on getting there. And being with Blaine like he was, it wasn't a test. He wasn't sleeping with Blaine to see if they still worked, or if he still loved Blaine. Kurt knew that of _course _he still loved Blaine, and they'd always work well together. There were no two people on the planet better fitted for each other than Kurt and Blaine.

The problem wasn't love or compatibility. It was trust. And Kurt knew that he was beginning to trust Blaine more and more each day. Every time they spoke on the phone, or skyped, or fooled around when he visited, Kurt was reminded of why he fell in love with Blaine in the first place. The warm, sure, open nature of Blaine's heart was still there. Kurt felt safe when he was with him. Comforted. Grounded. He was close, he just wasn't there.

And Adam... Well, Adam was Adam. He wasn't particularly outstanding. He was kind of bland, actually. Smart. Kind of funny. A good dancer. All the things Adam was okay at, Blaine was great at. There was no use comparing them because Blaine was the obvious winner.

Kurt honestly didn't know what was holding him back anymore. Before, it was the trust thing. But now... Things had been so good with Blaine lately. Maybe Kurt could make a decision soon. Maybe. He could cut Adam loose, say that Adam was nice but it just wasn't working out, that he was still in love with Blaine and that would never change.

He shook his head and decided to think more about it later. It was a big decision to make, even if it didn't seem like it. There was a lot to consider, a lot to think about. Blaine had broken his heart, but he'd also helped put it back together again. He saw his responsibility and faults and accepted them, tried to change them, tried to right his wrongs. There was never a moment where Kurt wondered if Blaine regretted what he did; Kurt knew that he did.

It was a matter of commitment. Because Kurt knew that if he went back to Blaine, that would be it. No more freedom, no more dating. He'd be locked in for life. And that wasn't such a bad thing, he just didn't know if he was ready for it yet. He was still so young...

No. He'd think about it later. Now he needed to get home.

Kurt put the car in drive and headed back to his dad's house on autopilot. He had a lot on his mind and he spent the entire drive actively trying _not _to think about any of it, which meant he missed a few turns and ended up taking twice as long to get home. By the time he got there, he was mentally exhausted and ready to take a nap.

"Hey, kiddo. Where you been?" his dad asked when he walked through the door.

Kurt headed into the living room and plopped down on the couch. "Oh, I was just...out."

"Uh-huh."

"What?"

"Kid, I know you were at Blaine's. You don't have to lie about it."

Kurt frowned at his dad. "How'd you know?"

"You left your wallet," Burt said. He held up the home phone. "Blaine called about ten minutes ago to let me know. He said you weren't answering your phone."

"Oh, shoot, it must've fallen out of my pants when I-" Kurt broke off, cheeks reddening as he looked away.

Burt sat forward in his chair and leaned his arms on his knees the way he did when he was going to talk to Kurt about something serious, and Kurt already wanted to bolt before Burt even opened his mouth. "Kurt, what's goin' on with you? Why'd you feel like you had to lie about being at Blaine's? If you want to forgive him, or get back with him, you know I'm okay with that. Hell, I paid to bring him to New York to spend time with you for Christmas."

"I know, Dad."

"So why the lying?"

"I didn't lie. I just didn't tell you where I was. Look, it's not a big deal, Dad. I'm working through things with Blaine, but I'm dating someone in New York. I'm just...figuring things out."

"Does Blaine know you're seeing someone else?"

"Well he slept with someone else; I think I have the right to go on a few dates," Kurt snapped. He shrank when he saw his dad's facial expression. "Sorry. Yes, he knows."

"And he's okay with it?"

"He doesn't really get a say anymore, Dad."

"He does if you're sleeping with him."

Kurt gawked at Burt. "_Dad._"

"What?" Burt raised his hands and sat back in his chair. "Kurt, you're old enough now that we can talk about that. You left your wallet at his place because it fell out of your pants. I'm not dumb, kiddo. You need to be careful with what you're doing. Blaine still loves you. It's clear as day to the entire world. And if you still love him back, you need to quit toying with the boy's emotions. You're giving him hope by doing this with him, and if you're not gonna follow through on it, you need to let him go."

Kurt sighed and ran a hand over his face. "You know, a few years ago, you weren't even ready to talk about boys in general. Now you're giving me love and sex advice."

"Things change, bud. People grow up. Kids grow up and their parents have to deal with it. That doesn't mean I can't still use my authority to give you advice when you clearly need it."

"What about Adam?"

"That the guy you're seeing in New York?"

"Yeah."

Burt shrugged and stood up. "You need to decide if you can see yourself with him the same way you can with Blaine." He started walking toward the kitchen, but paused and turned around to look at Kurt. "By the way, I invited Blaine over for Friday night dinner so he could return your wallet."

"What? Dad, I could've just picked it up tomorrow before I left."

"Well, now you don't have to go out of your way. You weren't already planning to go over there, were you?" Burt asked. His tone said he already knew the answer. He laughed and shook his head. "You're a mess, kid. And so is Blaine. You two need to figure your thing out before you both end up hurt."

... ... ...

Blaine was a few minutes early, but he knew Burt never minded, so when he parked in front of the Hummel home he got out of his car and went to ring the doorbell. He waited about thirty seconds before Kurt opened the door, dressed the same as earlier with red imprints on his cheek.

"Have a nice nap?" Blaine teased.

Kurt's hand flew to his cheek. "Oh god, do I have something on my face?"

"Just imprint lines from your pillow." Blaine held up Kurt's wallet with his left hand. "I come bearing gifts. Well, singular. A gift."

"And it is much appreciated. Come in. You know you didn't have to ring the bell."

"It didn't feel right to just walk in," Blaine said, shrugging as he stepped inside.

Kurt gave him a sad look but didn't say anything. "Well, um, Carole is visiting her sister right now. She just had a baby, so Carole's gone to help her out for a week or two. So it'll just be me, you, and Dad tonight."

"That's fine," Blaine said. He shrugged out of his jacket and hung it up on the coat rack, quickly stuffing his right hand into his pants pocket.

"He's trying to make a simple pasta dish, so we'll see how it turns out."

"You're letting him do it on his own?"

Kurt shrugged and laughed. "He insisted. He says he's gotten better since I've been in New York."

"Oh, he has! I come over for Friday night dinners a couple times a month."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Is that okay?" Blaine asked. He thought Kurt knew about it, but the way Kurt was looking at him, it was clear that he didn't.

"Yeah, yeah, it's fine. I just...I don't know. I'm being weird. It's totally fine. You're family."

"Am I?"

Kurt nodded. "Always."

Blaine felt a familiar warmth spread in his heart, different from the one radiating in his palm.

"Hey, Blaine," Burt said, coming into the foyer. He smiled and pulled Blaine into a hug. "Good to see you."

"You too, Burt. It's been a while."

"A couple weeks. Where've you been?"

Blaine shrugged. "Got a lot going on with school and everything. You know. Senior year and all that."

"Yeah, don't use that as an excuse, kiddo. You need to come over more often. We'll help you with your homework or somethin'."

Blaine laughed. Burt always did his best to make Blaine feel well-parented. "Thank you. I'll do that."

"Good. Now come on and set the table for me. Dinner's almost ready."

"Did you burn anything?" Kurt asked.

Burt whacked him playfully on the head and pushed him forward into the kitchen. "I've been cooking on my own for longer than you've been alive. Quit givin' your old man a hard time."

Blaine laughed as he watched him. He always envied their relationship. His parents were nice and loving, but he'd never forged a friendship with them the way Kurt had with his dad. Fortunately, Burt had made efforts to build a friendship with Blaine, something that Blaine never stopped being grateful for.

Burt pulled him in and wrapped an arm around his shoulders. "Blaine's been eating my cooking for months now and he's still alive and well."

"That's because Blaine's too nice to tell you the chicken's dry."

"Yeah, you sit down and eat, and then you tell me my chicken's dry."

Burt and Kurt kept up the playful banter as Kurt set the table and Burt put the finishing touches on dinner. Blaine stood off to the side, just as content to watch as he was to be a part of it. He kept his right hand hidden behind his back, and when Kurt beckoned him over to the table, Blaine pulled out his chair with his left hand and hid his right in his lap.

They started up conversation about NYADA and Burt's auto shop, trading off and talking about their lives. Blaine wondered how they hadn't had a chance to catch up on that stuff before now, or if maybe they already had but they were keeping the conversation light because Blaine was there.

Even after everything, Burt insisted that nothing had changed as far as he was concerned. He said that Blaine was young, and kids make mistakes, but that he hoped Blaine would learn from it and accept responsibility and try to fix things. Blaine was skeptical and the thought that Burt was playing him to hurt him for hurting Kurt crossed his mind, but the more Blaine came over, the more he realized that Burt was being sincere. That he really did forgive Blaine for hurting Kurt, and even after Blaine broke his son's heart, Burt made sure that Blaine was okay.

Blaine thanked God every day for Burt Hummel.

"So, Blaine, senior year's been busy?" Burt asked.

Blaine shrugged. "Yeah. It just recently picked up. With Regionals coming up, we've been having extra rehearsals, plus I'm on the Cheerios, and I've got the AP tests to study up for that are happening in a couple weeks. It's just a lot going on."

"Sounds like you're pretty stressed out."

"I'm managing," Blaine said evenly. He spun the pasta around on his fork with his left hand.

"Could you pass me the salt, please?" Kurt asked.

Since Blaine's left hand was occupied with his fork, without thinking, he automatically reached for the salt with his right hand and passed it to Kurt.

"Hey, what happened to your hand?" Kurt asked, frowning and taking it in both of his.

Blaine tried to tug his hand away, but Kurt held firm. "It, um. It's nothing. It's just, uh-just a burn."

"From what? Let me see it."

"No, Kurt-"

Kurt didn't listen. He was already unwrapping the gauze. When he was done and Blaine's burn was exposed, he gasped. "Oh my god. Blaine. This is bad!"

"No, it's fine-"

"How'd you get that?" Burt asked, eyes burning Blaine from across the table.

Blaine shifted uncomfortably, still trying to pull his hand back. "It was just-it was a candle accident. No big deal. Really, it's fine."

"This is a really bad burn, honey," Kurt said. They both paused at the term of endearment. Kurt cleared his throat. "You should get that checked out by a doctor."

"It's fine. I put Neosporin on it. I'm taking care of it."

"How did you have a candle accident on the palm of your hand?" Burt asked.

Blaine licked his lips, tilting his head to the side. "It was just-it was something stupid. Really. I'm okay. It'll heal in a week or two."

"Blaine, you burned through at least two layers of skin. Maybe all three. I really think you ought to go to the doctor."

"I said it's fine," Blaine snapped, pulling his hand away and cradling it to his chest.

Kurt stared at him with wide eyes. "Blaine-"

"Just stop, okay? Leave it alone. What do you care, anyway?" Blaine asked, standing from the table. He pushed his chair in and left the room, going for his coat so he could leave.

A hand on his shoulder stopped him and he sighed. "Kurt, I said leave me alone," he said.

"Blaine, I need you to tell me the truth," Burt said.

Blaine stiffened and didn't turn around. "I don't know what you mean."

"You know exactly what I mean, kid. That kind of burn... That wasn't an accident, was it?"

Blaine bit down hard on his lip. "I should go."

"Blaine."

"My parents-"

"Are gone until later tonight. Kurt told me." Burt turned Blaine gently around and pulled Blaine's right hand up, looking at the burn. He shook his head. "You really got yourself good, bud."

"It's not..." Blaine trailed off and shifted his weight. "Please don't tell my parents," he said, voice small and shaking. He started crying as Burt pulled him into his chest. "I'm really sorry. It was just once. It won't happen again." Something about Burt always got Blaine to tell the truth.

Burt rubbed his back. "It's gonna be okay, Blaine. You don't need to be hurting yourself. It's gonna be okay."

"Blaine?"

He looked up to see Kurt step into the room, standing awkwardly a few feet away.

"Blaine, what...?" Kurt let the sentence go without ever asking a real question.

Burt patted Blaine's back and said, "Blaine, why don't you go sit back down at the table and finish dinner? I'm just gonna talk to Kurt and we'll be back in in a minute."

"Um, I should re-wrap this. Do you mind if I-?"

"First aid kit is under the kitchen sink," Burt said.

Blaine nodded and headed back into the kitchen, pulling the kit out and squirting a dab of Neosporin onto his palm. He spread it across the burn before wrapping the gauze back around his hand, then he put the kit back and sat down at the table again.

He spun his fork around in his food, but he'd lost his appetite. Instead, he listened to Burt and Kurt's conversation in the next room.

"I told you earlier, didn't I?" Burt said.

Blaine heard Kurt sigh. "I know, Dad, but I haven't had time to-"

"No excuses, Kurt. Blaine is hurting himself, and I'd be willing to bet it's because of what _you're _doing to him."

"_To_ him? I'm not doing anything _to _him, Dad. I'm doing something _with _him. And he knows he can talk to me about anything. If he wanted to talk about it, he would!"

"He probably doesn't feel safe enough to because you're dragging him along while you've got another guy back in New York. It's not fair to him, or to that Adam guy, or to you. This thing you've got going is messed up and you know it. I raised you better than this."

"What about what Blaine did to me? He _cheated _on me, Dad!"

"He made a mistake, Kurt."

"Why are you taking his side?"

"I'm not taking a side, kid. But from where I've standing, I've got two kids hurting themselves and each other in a crummy situation that _you _have the power to change. You need to choose. You can keep seeing this Adam guy, or you can try mending things with Blaine. You can't do both. And you need to talk to Blaine."

They fell quiet, and then Blaine heard footsteps. He hurried to get a forkful of pasta and shoved it into his mouth.

Burt sat back down in his seat and gave Blaine a smile while Kurt kept his eyes down, standing by the archway. "Um, Blaine, can I talk to you for a minute?"

"After dinner, Kurt," Burt said. "Sit down and eat."

So Kurt sat down and they continued eating their meal in awkward silence. The chicken was in fact _not _dry. It was actually really good. Blaine wanted to say as much, but he was intimidated by the quiet and still shaken at how quickly Burt had been able to get the truth out of him.

When they finished, Burt stood up and cleared the plates, dropping them in the sink and turning to look at Kurt and Blaine at the table. "I'll let you boys talk. I'll be in the living room. Yell if you need me."

Blaine nodded at Burt as he left the room, then glanced over at Kurt, whose eyes were fixed on Blaine's right hand.

"Did you really...did you do that on purpose?" Kurt asked quietly.

Blaine hesitated before answering. "I- Yes. Yeah."

"When? It wasn't there earlier."

"It was after you left."

Kurt nodded. "So it really was because of me."

"No... Well, yes and no. It wasn't really because of you."

"Then why?" Kurt asked, looking up at him. He grabbed Blaine's hand, cradling it gently in his. "Why would you do this to yourself?"

"I just... I don't know."

"You don't know?"

"No."

"Blaine, we can't keep doing this," Kurt said. "It's my fault, I know. I'm the one who started it and I'm the one who needs to end it. It's been fun, but it's not good for either one of us."

Blaine felt his heart drop to the pit of his stomach. He swallowed hard, feeling like there was a ball of yarn lodged in his throat. "I know. I'm sorry."

"No, you've apologized enough. It's my turn. I'm sorry I've let this go on for so long. I just... I missed you. And I was being selfish. And I'm sorry."

"It's okay. I understand."

"Do you?" Kurt asked. He scooted closer to Blaine and tilted his chin up, catching Blaine's eyes. "Do you understand my side in this?"

Blaine shrugged. "Kind of."

"Look, I-" Kurt broke off and took in a big breath, then blew it out in a big gust through his mouth. "I don't know how to explain it to you without sounding like a total asshole."

"You could try," Blaine muttered. "I mean, I-I'd appreciate it if you tried."

"I'm just confused, Blaine. I honestly don't know what I want. I...I still love you. And I miss you. But I can't reconcile what you did with who I always knew you to be. And it scares me that there are things that go on in your head that I don't understand. It makes me wonder if I ever really knew you at all."

"You know me better than I know myself," Blaine said simply. "You always have."

"Apparently I don't, because I can't understand why you'd cheat on me, or why you'd hurt yourself. These things you've been doing lately, they don't make sense to me."

"They don't make sense to me either."

They lapsed into silence. They were asking questions that neither of them knew the answer to, so they just didn't speak. Blaine listened to the white noise of the television from the living room. He itched to go join Burt. To sit in comfortable silence watching the game with Burt instead of sitting in awkward silence with Kurt, thinking about how twisted his life had gotten.

"So what do we do?" Blaine asked, desperate to break the silence.

Kurt bit his lip and furrowed his brows. He took a few deep breaths, staring hard at Blaine's hand before looking back up at him. His face softened when he met Blaine's eyes. "We figure it out. Together."

"What do you mean?"

"Blaine, I haven't been fair to you, and I'm sorry. I've been scared to be with you again because I was scared of the commitment; I was scared of giving you my heart again, but the truth is that you've had my heart all along. You always have. And I was...I was foolish to think otherwise."

"So we're..."

"We're working on things. Just you and me. When I get back to New York, I'll tell Adam that I can't see him anymore. It's just you, okay? No more back and forth. Just you."

"Kurt, I don't want you to do this because you feel guilty, or you feel obligated-"

"I'm not," Kurt said quickly. "I love you. And I miss you. Blaine, I've been a mess without you, and clearly you've been the same way. We're meant to be together. I've needed to make a choice for a while now and I'm choosing you. I will always choose you."

"Are you sure about this?" Blaine asked.

Kurt leaned forward and kissed him softly. "As sure as I am that I love you."

Blaine sighed and fell into Kurt's arms, comforted by the embrace even in their awkward positioning. "I love you so much," he said, beginning to cry against Kurt's shoulder, tears soaking his shirt. "I'm so sorry."

"Shhh. It's okay. I know how sorry you are, Blaine. I'm sorry too. Let's just put it all behind us and work on moving forward, okay?"

Blaine nodded. "Okay."

Kurt pulled away and looked into Blaine's eyes, cradling his face, and Blaine could see it. He saw all the walls Kurt had built back up after their break up being shattered. He saw them coming down as quickly as he saw Kurt building him that night in New York. And he saw that even after everything, somehow, they would be okay. They would always be okay.


End file.
